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Hi friends,

I'd love to post.I'd love to stalk blogs and go crazy like I used to.

But really I've changed, my environment has changed.

I'm afraid that this blog would become a serious one. I'm still a happy person bouncing around on good days but I seem to have become less social and I seem to enjoy solitude much more. And I like being quiet. WHAT IS THIS IF I DIDN'T TALK IN THE PAST I'D DIE. Maybe it's because there's nothing much to talk about. In NHPS there were exciting things to talk about everyday and I'd talk so much during dinner. I now eat my dinner pretty quietly. Silently would be too extreme. I dislike silence. It'd be cool to crash a library XD The only time I seem wilder now is with kpop. THAT IS BAD, THAT IS VERY BAD. Kpop must not infiltrate this blog.

I don't hate Maths, really. I don't hate Chinese either. I don't hate anything. It's just very confusing. A lot of things don't make sense now. ARGH I DONT LIKE THE DIRECTION THIS POST IS GOING IN.

*CRASH*

ITS RAINING!
ITS RAINING!
YAYYYYYYYY

...

Traffic lights.

Giraffes.

My violin's name is Victoria.

The internet is a minefield.

Time is a monster.

I have a toy burger on my table.

I'm doing History now.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

I'm conflicting myself in a lot of ways and I'm in a lot of confusing dilemmas.

Maths is not helping me in any way.

I feel stupid ranting like this because kids in Africa don't get to eat. I get to sit in front of an awesome computer surrounded by awesome resources and I'm ranting like some spoilt idiot.

I want to study in a focussed manner but I wonder sometimes if I have a mild case of ADHD or something. My mind wanders so much.

I don't know what I want to do. I just have a lot of things on my mind. It's not like I have any major problems but I don't know I really don't know. My thoughts zip and fly around and it's really irritating. Confusions in different aspects haunt my brain.

I want to grab my violin and run to some meadow and play the violin under the moon.
I really like my violin now but I'm afraid that I'll lose this liking because of difficulties in learning. I hope that this liking and passion can withstand obstacles.
But as of now, my relationship with my violin is very positive. Sometimes I convert my reduced talking to music from the violin. I let out my thoughts through a violin that speaks.

It's not that my passion is that great.
It's just that I like the violin more than studying.

I could study well in the past so there's no reason why I can't do it now.
But in the past my mind was coherent, clear and happy.
Now it's a bit cloudy and incoherent, like I don't know my own mind.

I don't even know if I should publish this post because if my dad sees this I am screwed big time. I wouldn't know what to tell him because I don't quite understand my mind.

Maybe I should hope no one sees this.

Then what's the point of writing this post?

I don't know

See, I told you I don't quite understand myself.

I don't want to become an emo person. I want to bounce around like an Energizer bunny and feel like one since it's the year of the rabbit. I want to become a nicer person but I am doing nothing about it.

History teacher is a midget. Sorry.

Does this somewhat remind you of a more solemn version of Nigahiga's rant of ADHD? Hmm.

The violin is awesome.

I would like everyone to be happy so I should stop here and move on to something happier.

Okay let's go to something happier.

...

I really should stop wishing I could change the past because clinging to the past only hampers the movement of the present and future.

I'll just end here and perhaps come back with something happier next month or week.
I do know that I'm a very blessed person though.

Please don't think negatively. Stay happy and bounce around like an Energizer bunny. Bounce. Boing. Toink.

Cheers
Grapesgirl